Bhawana Somaaya

I was clearing old files in my computer and came across this ancient interview done almost 20 years ago where husbands discuss what they most dislike about their wives. It is a delicious feature that reveals great insights on marriage. I was engaged reading it and reproduce the same for nostalgic value in my blog.

Lyricist and poet Javed Akhtar said he hates Shabana when she is on a cleaning spree for then she is bound to touch his desk and misplace his most important files and papers. “I also disapprove of her last minute instructions to the staff just when we are about to leave the house but what is most annoying is her frequent misplacing of her key bunch. I fail to understand how a woman who remembers all her friend’s birthdays and anniversary, who never misses an important date of anyone in the family, can every single day misplace her bunch of keys.”

Rishi Kapoor said that he hates Neetu the most when he is angry and she cautions me to remain cool… “I cannot understand why she wants me to calm down even before I have begun to get angry and when I complain that to her she starts smiling and that makes me even angrier. I get angry with Neetu when she nags me to diet and to exercise even though I understand she does it for my good health. What baffles me is that she continues to remain health conscious and at the same time does not give up changing me.”

Dilip Kumar said that despite strict instructions to Saira Banu to not over load his personal dhobi with other chores somehow his wife has a way of keeping his laundry man busy and that bothered him because Dilip kumar wanted his undivided attention.
“Also I hate her worrying incessantly about my health and my meals, for I am old enough to look after myself?”

Kamal Haasan said he hated Sarika’s habit of shouting ‘Dinner is ready’ and at the precise moment when he arrived at the dining table, she disappeared in to the children’s room to put the baby to sleep. “I don’t know why women do this because once I’m in front of food I cannot wait to attack it. I also disapprove of her drinking gallons of tea at all odd hours…tea is injurious and causes acidity and insomnia.”

Amitabh Bachchan said that hate is too strong an expression to express an irritant in spouse but he confessed that he strongly disapproves of Jaya touching his desk and cleaning his study. “There are stacks of letters and papers and only I understand what is kept where and why…When she cleans my study she disorients my belongings so I have explained to her that I can cope with the mess on my table but I cannot cope with my papers getting shuffled around and she understands.”

Filmmaker Mahesh Bhatt said he hated Soni discussing wrong things at the wrong time… When I’m discussing food, Soni discuses my temperament and I have failed to see the connection. Or on another occasion when I’m discussing serious work, she draws my attention to a particular costume my heroine is wearing on the set…It’s a crazy life and it is called star-crossed communications…”

Dharmendra said that he hated and at the same time loved Hema Malini’s self-control and strong will power. “What is admirable and also enviable about her is that her `yes’ means `yes’ and her `no’ also means ‘no’. I have often wondered why I cannot be like her and since I cannot, I decided not to dislike anything about her.

- Bhawana Somaaya
blog.bhawanasomaaya.com

Ganesh Chaturti celebrations are in full swing. For all the attention we devote to the Elephant God in our day-to-day life, he has had minimal presence in Hindi cinema. It is difficult to think of even ten memorable scenes projecting the God of wisdom.

Humse Badhkar Kaun/ 1980 told the story of families living in a colony and collectively celebrating the festival. The haunting number ‘Devaa ho devaa…’ singing paeans to the Lord proved a chartbuster and is even today chanted at all the pandals. In Takkar, the villains hide the temple treasures inside the idol and hope to escape with the loot, but Jeetendra, Sanjeev Kumar and Vinod Mehra sing ‘Murti Ganesh ki, andar daulat desh ki…’and expose the villains.

In 1981, Filmwala’s Kalyug portrayed the immersion procession in all its glory. The hero Shashi Kapoor is driving home and gets caught in the festival traffic. The chaos on the street reflects the chaos in the hero’s heart. Ajanta Arts’ Dard Ka Rishta 1983, supposedly inspired from Sunil Dutt’s personal life, delved on a young girl’s obsession with the elephant God. Baby Khushboo is in coma but hears echoes of the Lord coming home. To fulfil the dying girl’s wish, her father brings the idol to her hospital bed and she dies in peace.

In Mukul Anand’s Agneepath/1990, the underworld don hails from a small village Mandva and it has been a family tradition to bring the idol home, the hero continues with the tradition. The film featured Amitabh Bachchan in a dramatic climax where he is stabbed by his enemies amidst excited crowds bidding farewell to the deity at the seashore. In Satya 1998, the hero is exposed amidst the festival, dragged on a noisy street.

The ten-day celebration exudes boundless energy. In cinema it has portrayed myriad moods – pathos, triumph, drama and in some instances, courage. In Dil To Pagal Hai /1997 Aroona Irani gifts identical silver idols to Shah Rukh Khan and Madhuri Dixit who are unable to express love for each other.

In Hindi films certain deities have come to be identified with certain stars. Dilip Kumar for instance always addressed his anguish to Lord Shiva (Amar or Dil Diya Dard Liya), comedian Mehmood always confided in Lord Hanuman and Meena Kumari wept and sang bhajans before Lord Krishna in Main Chup Rahungi and Kaajal but mysteriously no star was portrayed patronising Lord Ganesha.

It is because our cinema thrives on stereotypes; so Lord Shiva who represents virility is appropriate for the hero and the alluring Lord Krishna more fitting for the heroine. Similarly, Lord Hanuman represents energy and abstinence and is therefore the perfect idol for the supporting actor forever devoted to the hero.

Recently we did watch Shah Rukh Khan sing and dance to Ganesha in remake of Don but barring that the only attempt to immortalize the Elephant God so far has been the animation film My Friend Ganesha.

Bhawana Somaaya
contact@bhawanasomaaya.com
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There was a time film folks seldom appeared in the mainstream papers except for a rare occasion like either a National Award or a lapse on income tax issues. These days of course the mainstream papers cannot do without dragging show business into one story or the other, more often negative headlines than positive news.

In just one month there have been four property matters, two death threats, one rape and robbery, one payment denial and one stalker who have been arrested. Read on the following you will understand what I mean.

In a temporary reprieve for Bollywood actor Aditya Panscholi and his family, the Bombay HC stayed a 1995 court order to evict them from their bungalow at Juhu which they had rented out some time ago. The bungalow was owned by the Hatte family and the small causes court in 1995 had ruled in favor of the landlord directing the Panscholi family to vacate the premises. They didn’t and to make sure nothing went wrong the house is being occupied by Panscholi domestic staff.

Dimple Kapadia lived in the Birla house in the early years of her career. That is where she got married and returned after her divorce with Rajesh Khanna. The legal battle on the property began in 1978 when Laxmi Properties, whose managing director is now Yash Birla, moved the small causes court to recover possession of its property. The Birla company said it had given the ground floor premises on a 11-month leave and license for Rs 2,000 per month to Killick Nixon which used it for the residence of its ‘managing director’ Chunilal Kapadia, Dimple’s father now no more. The trial court was told that it was “friendship between the late R D Birla and late Kapadia” that prompted “only a temporary accommodation” of his family and so both sides are gearing up once again for a bitter battle in the court.

Veteran film heroine and superstar Sadhana Nayyar, who had accused builder Yusuf Lakdawala of threatening to kill her if she doesn’t vacate her Santacruz home, approached the commissioner of police, Sanjeev Dayal, on Saturday. The actress had lodged a complaint at the Santacruz police station last month, but despite several visits to the police station, the local police has taken no action. “So she has taken up the matter with the Commissioner.” Sadhna’s lawyer, Vaibhav Krishna told DNA.

Veteran filmmaker Ravi Tandon has lived in Nippon society for decades now. There are stories that he wants to put up his home for sale but Nippon Society is not permitting the filmmaker to carry out any deal because five years Tandon apparently extended the premise illegally to include more space. Nippon Society reported the matter to BMC but nothing came of it. A few years later when Ravi Tandon tried to register Tandon House in his daughter Raveena’s name, Nippon Society filed a court case challenging the illegal construction.

In the olden days nobody received threats but today it is a daily occurrence and most of the time the blackmailer is known to the person. Film producer Rakesh Upadhyay received a threat call from an unknown caller over redevelopment of the building in which he lives with his family at Vile Parle (E). Upadhyays have filed a police complaint at the Vile Parle Police Station. When we such incidents on television serial like Thoda Hai Thode ki Zaroorat Hai we feel it is an exaggeration but truth is stranger than fiction.

The more powerful the post like the IMPAA elections the uglier it gets. After its Vice President Sushma Shiromanee received death threats to withdraw her nomination from the upcoming IMPPA elections, the cops called in Harish Sugandh for interrogation and from what appears Sugandh is a close associate of Shiromanee. Bravo shiromanee for not giving up and fight it through till the election time.

Wonder when our strugglers will learn that casting couch is not the way to success. In the olden days the oppressed strugglers preferred to keep silent but not any longer. Seventeen year old wannabe actor has accused Marathi actor Ramesh Bhatkar, director Ashok Londhe and Congressman Bhagwan Vairat for rape. The trio was discharged by the district and sessions court in a case of seeking sexual favours from the girl by promising her a role in a Marathi movie. In her complaint, the girl has exposed her uncle and aunt for taking her to the director and others involved in the racket.

Thieves think it is easiest to rob film stars because they have in excess but what they don’t realize is that it is easier to nab a culprit at a celebrity home because it makes first page news. Perizad Zorabian who was last seen with Amitabh Bachchan in Ek Ajnabee was in for a shock when sash and jewellery worth Rs 55 lakh were stolen from her home in Seven Apartments, Pali Hill. The police suspect Zorabian’s domestic help Karan, who’s been missing since the incident.

Most of the times when big production houses don’t pay actors the stars choose to ignore it. Esha Deol however has filed a complaint in CINTAA (Cine & TV Artistes’ Association) a year ago against Ram Gopal Verma for not paying her dues. Verma did not respond to the letters. The case then reached the FWICE (Federation of Western Indian Cine Employees) which Ramu once again ignored. So the Federation referred the dispute to ‘Non Cooperation Matter’.

I wonder if it has to do with the kind of roles she plays on screen but a man called Bharadwaj had been stalking actor Kangana Ranaut for some time. She was worried for her safety and took the right step, reported the matter to the police. The man has been nabbed and taken in to police custody. That all these made headlines within a month makes truth stranger than fiction…

One thing is for sure that the media relishes masala more than the readers and this is evident even when they report something as non controversial as festivals. The best example of this is Salman Khan unfairly trapped on an innocent statement on 26/11. Khan is being made to apologise by the Shivsena in exactly the same way they did to Jaya Bachchan before the release of Drona and Karan johar before the release of Wake Up Sid. Had everybody taken a united front the very first time this would probably not happen time and again.

It does make me wonder though that what is it about Salman Khan that every time he touches high professional scales something in his personal life invariably pulls him down.

Bhawana Somaaya
www.bhawanasomaaya.com