Bhawana Somaaya

I’m not sure how other people read their newspapers. For me it is a special exercise to sit across the window with my morning tea and other paraphernalia-my spectacles, the two phones (landline and mobile) and scissors. I rush through the large pile of papers checking the headlines and the news. When something interesting catches my attention I just tear the sheet so that I can read it in leisure while traveling in my car.
A senior journalist taught me that the only way to remember information is to read it because brain is the best human storage. So no matter how bored or busy I may be I make sure to read up all work related stories and the mainstream papers are full of it.
Some recent stories in the newspaper and television that need reaction are as follows.
Let’s begin with the star of the week, Rakhi Sawant. Rakhi got engaged and not married as promised on the television. For NDTV Imagine it was paisa vasool because the channel shot up in TRP’s. Some of us hated the show and hated Rakhi Sawant but there were many who loved the show as well as Rakhi. They lauded her for having no qualms about bearing her life on a reality show. They applauded her for her courage to be sensational.
I believe that Rakhi Ka Swayamvar is more about the viewer’s character than about the participant’s. The viewer is the voyeur who relishes personal details about other people’s lives and enjoys playing the peeping Tom.
Sacch Ka Saamna is another game show where contestants bare their darkest secrets in public. The I&B Ministry has threatened to shut down the host channel for using obscene language on the show and the court has been petitioned to stop the telecasts. I have to state here that I’m not a fan of any reality shows. I have never watched Big Boss, Big Brother, The Moment of Truth, The Jerry Springer Show or Rakhi Ka Swayamvar but I strongly disapprove of any kind of censorship on any performing medium. Why must the government decide what the audience must watch or avoid? If they assume that the viewer is mature enough to cast his vote, then he is mature enough to use the remote! If the show offends the sensibility of the viewer all he has to do is to switch the channel!! I put forth the same argument for a discussion on a news channel and I repeat it. Let us not give more importance to the topic than required.
Sacch Ka Saamna is a game show and should be treated like one. It is not about truth and redemption as the channel says it. It is about money and shameless greed. The show reflects our exhibitionist society and falling morals. If the contestants are prepared to strip, rape and expose to an extent of damaging their intimate relationships, who are we to protest, rebel or mourn their personal loss?
The grapevine has it that Sachin Tendulkar is annoyed with Vinod Kambli for bad mouthing him on Sacch Ka Saamna show and clearly avoided him at a party hosted by BCCI telecast on various channels. See what I mean about damaging relationships? Vinod Kambli is richer by a few lakhs today but he has lost a precious friend forever.

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It reminds me of renowned writer Nayantara Sehgal, the first female Indian writer to gain recognition in English language press. Nayantara is Jawaharlal Nehru’s sister Vijaya Laxmi Pandit’s daughter and there was a time the first cousins Nayantara and Indira Gandhi fell out because Nayantara wrote a critique on the Prime Minister. This was soon after the emergency.
But a lot of water has flown under the bridge and today Nayantara and Sonia Gandhi are back to being a family.
May be Vinod Kambli will have to wait a while to get back to his equation with Sachin Tendulkar. The fresh wounds will have to heal and then may be if he is able to win Sachin’s trust again, they may be able to restore the relationship but I don’t think it can never be the same again.
One of the papers carried a story about a 25 years old commerce graduate Usha Kiran who lets go of her modern lifestyle to drape in a silk sari and dance to an ancient tradition at the 400 years old Ranganathan Swamy Temple every year. It is a dance in praise of the deity and she says that she transforms into a devdasi. Usha Kiran is not the only one. Kucchipudi dancer Swapna Sundari has helped piece together several items of the worship dance that she offers to her lord every year.
When there is so much in life to be constructive and positive why must we waste our energy in either watching or discussing irrelevant reality shows.
Bhawana Somaaya

When I was a little girl an old man in a dhoti often came to our home unannounced. He removed his shoes outside the door and squat cross legged on the living room carpet. He always carried a cloth bag around his shoulder and a small napkin with which he wiped his spectacles.

My mother was always happy to see him and no matter how tired she was, she ran to the kitchen to prepare hot snacks for him which was always served in steel utensils.

Snack over he extracted some photographs and horoscope from his crowded bag and got into serious discussion with my father. When it was time for him to leave, mother packed for him a customary parcel comprising some wheat flour, rice and pure ghee.

He was what they described in traditional Gujarati households- the brahman- and he was also the community match maker. He was well versed with the family histories and went from home to home carrying kundalis of prospective brides and grooms. The parents trusted his wisdom and unanimously submitted to his foresight.

That is how my older cousins and siblings got married.

Then one day, the brahman stopped coming home. My father was concerned. On investigation my father discovered that after a prolonged illness he had passed away in his sleep and his only son did not want to carry forward his father’s legacy. My mother was distressed. “A home not visited by a brahman can never prosper…” she mourned. My father had bigger worries. He was getting on in age and unsure of hunting a groom for my older sister without the brahman’s able guidance.

Contrary to his fears my older sister got married through a proposal brought by a common relative and is today a prosperous wife and proud mother of two children.

So many years have gone by but finding a suitable partner through arranged marriage is still a matter of concern to parents. While on level marriage websites have replaced the traditional matchmaker and facilitated the process, it has added social and economic pressures on the candidates and their families.

A few days ago I was invited by a friend registered with a South Bombay Marriage Bureau for her 21 year-old daughter. The bureau chief had organized a swayamvar for the prospective candidates and their parents at the Ball Room Taj Mahal Hotel.

It was an unusual gathering where every guest was a stranger. As my friend and I entered the room we were handed over a dossier on the prospective candidates. There was a separate seating arrangement for the candidates. The parents of both sat a few blocks away. At the allotted time a compeer came on to the dais and began with the proceedings.

She invited the candidates to come on to the stage and introduce themselves. The first round was devoted to the girls and all of them were self conscious. The second round was for the boys and all of them were awkward. Introductions completed the guests mingled with each other and some exchanged numbers. A few outgoing candidates made an effort to strike a conversation with a promising partner but majority of them preferred to remain aloof.

At the end of two hours my friend and I wondered if the exercise was worth the while. It didn’t seem so. It was an unfair swayamvar because one, there were more number of girls than boys and two; all the girls were far superior to the boys. All the parents in the audience looked extremely anxious and they were not helped by the inexperienced compeer who was too young to handle such a responsible evening.

During dinner I asked some candidates how they rated the evening. Most of the girls confessed to feeling embarrassed. They said it was like being on display but they had no choice in an arranged marriage. The parents complained that the registration fees are too expensive but there is no other option to find a partner for their children.

While leaving I make it a point to express their anxieties to the Marriage Bureau Chief. She smiles, “They have to be able to take it in their stride. It is destiny. My role is of just a facilitator.”

My mind wanders to the old brahman who visited our home. It is strange but in all the years he visited the family he never said any of these lines to my parents. On the contrary he always managed to bring a smile to their face when he said, “Don’t worry Somaaya bhai she is your daughter but my responsibility.”

Bhawana Somaaya